Doctors' Diaries, WOW...and damn.

I just saw Doctors' Diaries (NOVA) on Netflix, and WOW! I have got to blog about this before I forget. It is a definitely must see for any pre-med. I am now thinking, "What am I getting myself into?" Doctors' Diary is a documentary following 7 doctors, from the 1st day of medical school at Harvard to 20 years later. It shows didactics, clinicals and even their personal life. I really thought I knew what I wanted to do--that medicine was my passion and dream, and that I was prepared...but I don't know anymore. I know medical school was tough, and that if I really try I could do it, but I don't know if the lifestyle fits what I am looking for. Most of them divorced (some more than others), others single, and the rest don't seem very happily married.

I know different specialties come with different lifestyles, and I am thinking Anesthesiology or Ophthalmology or Primary/Internal or Psychiatry SEEMS like the most fitting for me out of the 7 portrayed. Despite that these were the best choices for me, they still don't measure up to what I envisioned for my future family. I WANT 2 or 3 kids, but it just seems that 2 would be pushing it already. I know for SURE though, I gota have more than 1 kid. That's a definite dealbreaker. (Future Mrs. Me, please take note =P) I am really scared (i would say deathly afraid) of not having the time to raise up my kids the way I hope to, to be there to guide them when they are young. At this point, I should probably be worrying about medicine--the workload, or writing my secondaries to get into medical school....but I am having a hell of a moment contemplating of my future. The whole point of medicine was to enjoy my career, which I am sure I will by working with patients, but also to be able to provide for my family with a stable source of income and EMOTIONAL/SOCIAL/EDUCATIONAL/EXTRA-CURRICULAR  needs...all that stuff that comes with being a good dad. I can get away with driving my 96 Toyota Stationwagon forever, but I would be miserable if I did not have time for future Mrs. Le and the kids. I don't know what to do. I wish I had a mentor who can shed some light on this matter.

I really hope I don't end up as a person that I despise myself. And I really, really hope I end up with a happiER life than the miserable ones portrayed in the documentary. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That is what I feel like. What I DO know: 1) I like helping people. 2) I like patient care. 3) I would like to do research or academic medicine on the side, not at the expense of family though. 4) I want at LEAST 2 kids. 5) I am DAMN scared to have a wife as a doctor too. 5) I should be, but I am not scared of medical school. I know it's tough. But what the hell I can do it (i hope =T). Am I prepared for medical school? I feel like it...but like they said, "You can never be prepared for medical school." *Shudder

It's kinda sad to write about the things I do/don't know...I really don't want to think about it, but I know I have to. There I go again...Why can't I just help people, raise a family, and live happily ever after??? That's not too much to ask right? At this point I am very unsure/uneasy/scared of the next 10 years.

The Challenge(s)...

Today is a new step in the relationship...the dreaded word, "Long-Distance." I know things will work themselves out, but you can't help but get jealous, worried..etc. I'll just hit the gym later, hard. All the shitty things that come hand-in-hand with LD relationships. Whatever, I'm her lobster. I just I noticed I only feel like blogging when something is bothering me or I feel like writing something down for documentation. I think that's pretty normal right? 

I haven't written in here for a really long time, but since then I graduated from CSULB Biochemistry Major, Minor Biology in May 2011. It was a bittersweet moment in my life, but it is all for the best. I remember when our group worried about getting into medical school and idolized all those medical students...now 4 of us are in medical school. I am so proud of you all. You have fought hard and accomplished your dreams. I know you will all be accomplished professionals one day. I am currently at a Starbucks in the Bay Area trying to find the motivation to continue writing secondary applications. I've already got a draft for Creighton, Davis, and SF. I am currently working on Rosalind Franklin University right now. I would be ready to submit those secondaries if it weren't for the recommendations holding me back. Funny thing, I was praying 2 nights ago cause I was having trouble contacting one of my letter writers because he moved away from my Alma Mater, and right after I checked my email...he replied!! He actually replied like 10 hours prior, but I never noticed. Crazy right? I should probably just pray for this relationship thing...well I already did that haha.

I went to kick it with the high school homies 2 days ago for Justin's birthday at Jer's Hayward place. It's right down the street from my place! We're practically neighbors. =D It was nice to catch up with everyone again. Send me positive vibes for this secondary apps thing, I will need it.

Misyu Misyu

SOooOOooooOo I'm missing a certain someone right now. She's went away on vacation for a week and its only been two days lol. I love it when she smiles, but lately we have been busy working towards our dreams, so I have seen her smile less and less. I want to see her smile more. I want to take more pictures so we can look back on all our good times. 

This will be the longest time we’ve been apart in at LEAST 4 years if not more. T_T You know…I recently realized how lonely one feels when by themselves! I have been very lucky because I rarely feel lonely, but it was only because she was always there for me. And sometimes, no…MOST OF THE TIME, it is easy to forget how important a person is to you…only when they are gone do we feel the immense emptiness that they filled when they were around.

So this is to you, so you know how much I appreciate you, for being YOU…Firstly, you KNOW how hard it is for me when it comes to this stuff, but I feel that you have been wrongly deprived all these years. I may not reveal much emotion during our conversations, which makes you angry, but rest assured that my feelings are well kept, only so it is safe to never fly away. Maybe at least once in our relationship…maybe once I should let it out so you know how much you mean to me?

Ever since we met 8.5 years ago, during that first day of highschool…during 2^nd period English class, when I sat down at your table, I noticed a beautiful girl sitting there. And I know you are denying as we speak, but deny all you want, but I assure you…to me…you were (and still are) the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. And because I was shy, and filled with teenage pride, I never let you know that I secretly admired you. Remember when I brought peanut butter/bread and a peach cup to English class? The peach juice spilled all over my red Hawaiian shirt, and I took it off in class to wipe the juice. Ms. Clark said, “Duc! What are you doing!!??” LOL!! You know how I have horrible memory, but for sure I will never forget this, and I know you won’t neither! Are you smiling yet? Remember during highschool Chemistry when Mr. Fryman got mad at me because he thought I skipped Silent Reading? When I got back near the end of Silent Reading, and everything was…silent…he said to me, “Duc! Where have you been!?!” And I said in front of the whole class, “Umm…number 2?” LOL. How embarrassing. You gotta be smiling now. =D 

So…we became good friends and high school went on. I got my share of girlfriends and you had your share of boyfriends. Still though, I had always liked you silently inside, afraid to confess my feelings to you. You had no clue I liked you! I had no clue also. All four years, we denied our feelings. During high school, people told me I looked sad all the time, but did you know many times it was because of you. We would hang out as friends and have a blast one day, and the next day you were talking with your boyfriend. It wasn’t your fault, but I am glad I felt that way, because that shows how much I really cared about you. At the time you were in a fairly long relationship, but I waited…always waiting…ready to be there when you needed me. I remember I also prayed to God during church for you to like me. Pitiful? I think so…lol Remember all the times I picked you up and dropped you off? Or when I drove you to SF because no one could go with you when you had to dance for cheer? Remember the late night AIM conversations on the computer? I remember I always got happy when I saw you logged on…lilticklishpnay…mi55behav1n. Those two were my favorites. We always cussed each other out, competing to see who was better in every little thing we discussed. Funny though, our hateful conversations lasted for HOURS…and my dad sure gave it to me many times because he was FOB back then and didn’t understand how a person could chat so much on a computer lol. But I was always mean to you, calling you names and such, picking on you at school. I couldn’t treat you how I treated my other friend, or else you would be JUST a regular friend. I wanted more from you. Sorry I treated you mean back then! I know you didn’t mind it anyways. =D

 Senior year rolled by. Senior Winterball. We skipped class and I helped you pick out your silver dress at Southland. One of our first dates? I think so! =D =D Skipping catholic school to shop for your Winterball dress, I think God will punish us later lol. I remember you had no date. And I also had no date. But I helped you pick out your dress. But after I still didn’t ask you to be my date. See how terrified I was!! And remember the last dance? How I held out my hands to you, to motion for my request of a dance with you? I didn’t even verbally speak, but you understood what I meant and agreed to dance with me. =D But there went my pride down the drain. That was one of the first times I gave you a little of me.  

“If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
And you'd be my wife, make it right this time”

I swear at the time this song fit so perfectly lol. Doesn’t it though?…except maybe for the running away and baby part. ^_^

I remember how you asked me to Sadies Hawkins during senior year too. You baked cookies for me, and wrote on each one. Gave it to me during lunch while I was sitting down with my guy friends. And I didn’t even say anything when you put it on the table, or even looked at you much. LOL I am so sorry! I think I was still prideful after Winterball. You should have given it to me not it was in front of the guys! >_<

So I guess we both agree that I was prideful towards you back then. Never giving you any, not one, hint that I even liked you. Always the person giving you a hard time. But hey, look at who made the first move on you. (Insert smirk). I may have sucked all the other times as a living male species, but at least I stepped up to the one thing that mattered. In the car, I kissed you once. No good, no response. “Too soft. Shit, I don’t think she felt that” was running through my head. I kissed you twice. I would have seriously died from embarrassment if you opened your eyes and were like, WTF? And I am sure looking back you wish you would’ve done that. But good thing you didn’t. ^_^

Ever since we have been together 4.5 years ago, there has been nothing we could not accomplish together.  You are one of, if not, the most important pieces in my life, and I h.o.n.e.s.t.l.y. do not know what I can accomplish without you. Ever since highschool, you have believed in me, pushed me, motivated me, and molded me into the person I am today. I am...me…because of…you…I miss you. Saranghae.

Your bestestestest friend in the whole wide world,

Duck 

Nae Sarang. The most beautiful girl in the world. <3 saranghae

I want to go home before school starts, but I'm going to be stuck in SoCal for the rest of the summer. I miss my family. Wahhhhhhh. Not to mention I'm not going to Hawaii with nae sarang, but hey pictures are good. =D So my summer break just started today...all one week of it left. I really don't know what to do in my free time now, so I went to Barnes and Nobles to read EK Biology. Damn, I really need to get a life. I've been swimming for a while now, and its pretty nice. Great way to relax, tan, and rehab my shoulder. I'd also like to get in better shape now. God, please grant me a 4pack. I know the 5/6th one is asking for a little too much, so I stopped at 4. =D Today's is also Dong's Bday. Happy birthday brotha. =D =D. Cheers!

Sometimes you feel lost, you lose yourself amongst the business of the world. It is hard to get back on track; it is hard to stay focused. You can continue to do everything like an everyday, but there is no joy in your work, lack of motivation. During times like these, you must stop; find yourself and remind yourself why it is that you work so hard for. When you are able to remember why, you will then be content, if not happy. You can accomplish anything.

http://www.shrinershq.org/Hospitals/Main/About

motivation

you cannot do anything, unless you really want to do it. Or else you will not enjoy your life and regret it later on. I love education..learning new facts..it's all useful and can only help you, not hurt you. it doesn't require much effort, except TIME. which may be hard to come by...at TIMES..but if you start your tasks early enough..you will surely enjoy what ever you choose to learn/do. Don't let chances go by. don't be afraid to take chances. this is your life, sometimes you only get ONE chance. what can it hurt to just TRY anyways? right? nothing. let's kick this biochemistry and especially pchem butt!!! gRrrRRRRRrrrr

future goals: base guitar and piano.