Doctors' Diaries, WOW...and damn.

I just saw Doctors' Diaries (NOVA) on Netflix, and WOW! I have got to blog about this before I forget. It is a definitely must see for any pre-med. I am now thinking, "What am I getting myself into?" Doctors' Diary is a documentary following 7 doctors, from the 1st day of medical school at Harvard to 20 years later. It shows didactics, clinicals and even their personal life. I really thought I knew what I wanted to do--that medicine was my passion and dream, and that I was prepared...but I don't know anymore. I know medical school was tough, and that if I really try I could do it, but I don't know if the lifestyle fits what I am looking for. Most of them divorced (some more than others), others single, and the rest don't seem very happily married.

I know different specialties come with different lifestyles, and I am thinking Anesthesiology or Ophthalmology or Primary/Internal or Psychiatry SEEMS like the most fitting for me out of the 7 portrayed. Despite that these were the best choices for me, they still don't measure up to what I envisioned for my future family. I WANT 2 or 3 kids, but it just seems that 2 would be pushing it already. I know for SURE though, I gota have more than 1 kid. That's a definite dealbreaker. (Future Mrs. Me, please take note =P) I am really scared (i would say deathly afraid) of not having the time to raise up my kids the way I hope to, to be there to guide them when they are young. At this point, I should probably be worrying about medicine--the workload, or writing my secondaries to get into medical school....but I am having a hell of a moment contemplating of my future. The whole point of medicine was to enjoy my career, which I am sure I will by working with patients, but also to be able to provide for my family with a stable source of income and EMOTIONAL/SOCIAL/EDUCATIONAL/EXTRA-CURRICULAR  needs...all that stuff that comes with being a good dad. I can get away with driving my 96 Toyota Stationwagon forever, but I would be miserable if I did not have time for future Mrs. Le and the kids. I don't know what to do. I wish I had a mentor who can shed some light on this matter.

I really hope I don't end up as a person that I despise myself. And I really, really hope I end up with a happiER life than the miserable ones portrayed in the documentary. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That is what I feel like. What I DO know: 1) I like helping people. 2) I like patient care. 3) I would like to do research or academic medicine on the side, not at the expense of family though. 4) I want at LEAST 2 kids. 5) I am DAMN scared to have a wife as a doctor too. 5) I should be, but I am not scared of medical school. I know it's tough. But what the hell I can do it (i hope =T). Am I prepared for medical school? I feel like it...but like they said, "You can never be prepared for medical school." *Shudder

It's kinda sad to write about the things I do/don't know...I really don't want to think about it, but I know I have to. There I go again...Why can't I just help people, raise a family, and live happily ever after??? That's not too much to ask right? At this point I am very unsure/uneasy/scared of the next 10 years.

The Challenge(s)...

Today is a new step in the relationship...the dreaded word, "Long-Distance." I know things will work themselves out, but you can't help but get jealous, worried..etc. I'll just hit the gym later, hard. All the shitty things that come hand-in-hand with LD relationships. Whatever, I'm her lobster. I just I noticed I only feel like blogging when something is bothering me or I feel like writing something down for documentation. I think that's pretty normal right? 

I haven't written in here for a really long time, but since then I graduated from CSULB Biochemistry Major, Minor Biology in May 2011. It was a bittersweet moment in my life, but it is all for the best. I remember when our group worried about getting into medical school and idolized all those medical students...now 4 of us are in medical school. I am so proud of you all. You have fought hard and accomplished your dreams. I know you will all be accomplished professionals one day. I am currently at a Starbucks in the Bay Area trying to find the motivation to continue writing secondary applications. I've already got a draft for Creighton, Davis, and SF. I am currently working on Rosalind Franklin University right now. I would be ready to submit those secondaries if it weren't for the recommendations holding me back. Funny thing, I was praying 2 nights ago cause I was having trouble contacting one of my letter writers because he moved away from my Alma Mater, and right after I checked my email...he replied!! He actually replied like 10 hours prior, but I never noticed. Crazy right? I should probably just pray for this relationship thing...well I already did that haha.

I went to kick it with the high school homies 2 days ago for Justin's birthday at Jer's Hayward place. It's right down the street from my place! We're practically neighbors. =D It was nice to catch up with everyone again. Send me positive vibes for this secondary apps thing, I will need it.