I just saw Doctors' Diaries (NOVA) on Netflix, and WOW! I have got to blog about this before I forget. It is a definitely must see for any pre-med. I am now thinking, "What am I getting myself into?" Doctors' Diary is a documentary following 7 doctors, from the 1st day of medical school at Harvard to 20 years later. It shows didactics, clinicals and even their personal life. I really thought I knew what I wanted to do--that medicine was my passion and dream, and that I was prepared...but I don't know anymore. I know medical school was tough, and that if I really try I could do it, but I don't know if the lifestyle fits what I am looking for. Most of them divorced (some more than others), others single, and the rest don't seem very happily married.
I know different specialties come with different lifestyles, and I am thinking Anesthesiology or Ophthalmology or Primary/Internal or Psychiatry SEEMS like the most fitting for me out of the 7 portrayed. Despite that these were the best choices for me, they still don't measure up to what I envisioned for my future family. I WANT 2 or 3 kids, but it just seems that 2 would be pushing it already. I know for SURE though, I gota have more than 1 kid. That's a definite dealbreaker. (Future Mrs. Me, please take note =P) I am really scared (i would say deathly afraid) of not having the time to raise up my kids the way I hope to, to be there to guide them when they are young. At this point, I should probably be worrying about medicine--the workload, or writing my secondaries to get into medical school....but I am having a hell of a moment contemplating of my future. The whole point of medicine was to enjoy my career, which I am sure I will by working with patients, but also to be able to provide for my family with a stable source of income and EMOTIONAL/SOCIAL/EDUCATIONAL/EXTRA-CURRICULAR needs...all that stuff that comes with being a good dad. I can get away with driving my 96 Toyota Stationwagon forever, but I would be miserable if I did not have time for future Mrs. Le and the kids. I don't know what to do. I wish I had a mentor who can shed some light on this matter.
I really hope I don't end up as a person that I despise myself. And I really, really hope I end up with a happiER life than the miserable ones portrayed in the documentary. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That is what I feel like. What I DO know: 1) I like helping people. 2) I like patient care. 3) I would like to do research or academic medicine on the side, not at the expense of family though. 4) I want at LEAST 2 kids. 5) I am DAMN scared to have a wife as a doctor too. 5) I should be, but I am not scared of medical school. I know it's tough. But what the hell I can do it (i hope =T). Am I prepared for medical school? I feel like it...but like they said, "You can never be prepared for medical school." *Shudder
It's kinda sad to write about the things I do/don't know...I really don't want to think about it, but I know I have to. There I go again...Why can't I just help people, raise a family, and live happily ever after??? That's not too much to ask right? At this point I am very unsure/uneasy/scared of the next 10 years.
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